SPLASH

THERE'S NO KEEPING A GOOD WOMAN DOWN - KELLY BROOK'S BACK, ON MTV, AND SPLASHING ABOUT IN FHM'S AMAZING POOLSIDE PHOTO SHOOT

The annals of history are filled with tortured souls who suffered for their art. There's Vincent Van Gogh, for instance, who chopped off his ear after he failed to sell any flower paintings; or George Orwell who lived as a tramp while researching Down And Out In Paris And London. Even worse, during the eleven years it took him to complete the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Michelangelo grew a hideous goitre, a kind of semi-pro hunchback that occasionally leaked gobbets of pus onto the spectators below. And to this brave list must now be added the name of curvaceous 20-year-old, Kelly Brook, whose dip into the pool for FHM's stunning cover shoot resulted in her picking up a nasty chest infection.

This unpleasant lurgy aside - I've had friends looking down my throat with a torch all weekend - things are looking decidedly up for Brook. Since leaving The Big Breakfast last year, she's defied the cynics who said she would disappear back into the obscurity of Rochester, the sleepy Kent town where she grew up. Right now, she's presenting Select on MTV and has even taken her first tentative steps towards a movie career with a part in Indie film, Sorted. Following this up, she's reading scripts and is off to LA to have a holiday and meet important studio bigwigs. There's a lot of good stuff out there for girls my age, she enthuses, so I hope there are good things to come for me. As for the rest of us, well, we'll just have to make do for now with these excitingly slippery photos, which she hopes you agree were, Worth getting sick for.

Is it true you're a terrible driver?
No, I'm a bit nervous, maybe. I've got a Honda HRV, which is like a jeep, and I've had a couple of shunts, but I haven't written off any cars or hit anyone. It's not my fault, anyway when me and my girlfriends are going down the motorway, guy drivers tend to get lairy and give us friendly abuse. You know, all that, Oway, darlin'! stuff. I've always thought the best way to react is to play them at their own game, so my two mates, both of whom are quite open about their bodies, moon out of the window or display their fine breasts. That shuts most men up, except for the ones who try to start a bottom competition by flashing back. But we always win!

You've recently bought a house with your boyfriend, Jason Statham. Are you two going all Changing Rooms doing it up?
It's a nightmare! We've had to compromise and have it all done in white, minimalist style, because we can't agree. I liked the idea of having a red bedroom with fancy black floors, until I saw Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen and thought, "oh God, that's just what I'm like!"

What sort of men do you like?
I prefer slightly shady, rough around the edges men. Someone who can look after themselves. I wouldn't mind if they'd been in jail it makes them a bit more interesting. But that depends what they've done, I suppose.

Talking of old jobs, Jason used to have a job as a diver. Do you make smutty innuendoes about that at bedtime?
As in what? Sorry, you're on a different wavelength to me.

Come on, it's obvious... Is it?
Oh God, I see what you mean. That's terrible. But I'll try it out when I get home.