From Best of Maxim - October 15, 2001

Now that she's starring in a Farrelly brothers flick (SHALLOW HAL), it's easy to forget that stunner Susan Ward ran for vice president on MAXIM's Andrij for President ticket. Meet the woman who's a heartbeat away from being assitant managing editor of MAXIM.

SUSAN AT A GLANCE

Vital stats: Born April 15, 1976, in Monroe, Louisiana, of Cherokee, Spanish, and English ancestry. "I'm kind of a mutt," says Susan. All mutts should have measurements of 34-22-36, we think.

Nickname: Suzy Q

Weird pets: Her family kept snakes, tropical birds, and wallabies, and Susan only gave away her prized potbellied pig when he grew too large for the beanbag where he liked to sleep under a blanket. "Pigs are smart, clean, and really
sweet. I swear."

Fantasy car: The classy BMW 740iL, though she'd likely settle for "an old muscle car - like a 'Vette or Mustang Fastback. I love those kinds of cars."

Preferred sleeping attire: Nothing. Zero. Zip. "You know when you turn over and you're wearing a shirt or something and it gets all twisted? I just can't deal with that. I get claustrophobic."

Food that best captures her personality: "Something spicy and hot. I'm a little chili pepper: Cute and sweet, but I'll bite you in the ass if you're not careful. And then haunt you for a while later."

FAST COMPANY

Feel the need for speed? Then hop aboard with stunning starlet Susan Ward as she revs up the Farrelly brothers' Shallow Hal. Better hang on tight--it's going to be a bumpy ride. 
 
Susan Ward is hell on wheels. While still in her tomboy phase in Monroe, Louisiana, she tore up the trails as an unlikely BMX champion, and nowadays she still scratches her pedal-to-the-medal itch with frequent 150 mph blasts around a NASCAR track. 
 
So it shouldn't come as a surprise that Susan's star is shooting through the Hollywood stratosphere. After wicked turns in several soap operas and even more wicked turn as a snobby, bisexual sociopath in last year's The In Crowd (and almost capturing the White House as Maxim's vice- presidential nominee), she
returns to the big screen in November with her highest-profile role yet, as the object of Jack Black's desire in the Farrelly brothers' romp Shallow Hal. 
 
We convinced Susan to idle her engines long enough for a pit stop at an L. A. coffee shop, where the 25-year old beauty tried to convince us that she prefers her thrills in controlled doses. "I'm not really a gambler," she claims with a Southern drawl, then breaks into an easy smile. "But that's only 'cause I hate
losing more than anything else." Gentlemen, start your engines. 
 
What's the biggest misconception about Southern girls? 
That we're all ladies. 
 
You mean you didn't grow up wanting to be Scarlet O'Hara?
No way. I wanted to do everything my brother did. There weren't any neighborhood girls my age, so I looked up to my brother and his friends. They got me drunk for the first time, showed me how to shoot a gun, and taught me how to take jumps on my bike. 

Not in that order, hopefully. Did you want to be a guy? 
I wanted to be the girl who always beat all the guys. And I did, most of the time, especially when I got into BMX racing. When I was 11, I was ranked third in the state. There was this one little boy I could never beat, and it drove me insane. 
 
Do BMX racing and Hollywood have anything in common? 
Well, both involve a lot of competition. People want to sabotage your chances of winning. There are barriers to overcome and tons of dirt gets kicked in your face. (laughs) 
 
When did you find your feminine side? 
When I started modeling, which is when I had to discover it. I realized that I couldn't really be the tough girl anymore. 
 
How did your modeling career begin? 
When I was 13, a New Orleans agency spotted me in a mall in Monroe and took me to New York for a modeling competition. Next thing you know, I was living in the big city. 
 
What did your parents think of this? 
They're always supportive and made me feel that I could be myself and be independent. Except one time, when I was 15 and still living in New York, I fell asleep while working on a term paper. I sleep very deeply-I need, like, five alarm clocks to wake me up. I'm practically in a coma. So my dad was trying to call me all night, and when I got up at 6 a.m., I finally heard it ringing. He thought I'd been out all night and grounded me. He made me fly home and wouldn't let me go back until I had another job. I was so pissed off. I was
doing homework! About a year ago, I brought it back up and he said,'I know you didn't do anything, Susan. I just wanted to scare the hell out of you.' 
 
When you were doing soap operas, what was the most ridiculous plot line you were part of?
Let's see. In one my fiance' had a psycho twin brother who returned from the dead. And then I had sex with him, and he bought me an island. Then he killed all my friends. 
 
Man we've got to start watching more daytime TV. Now that you're starring in movies, what kind of characters are you attracted to? 
Well, I'm usually one of two characters. I'm either the really nice girl or the total, complete bitch. 
 
For The In Crowd, you made out with another girl before you killed her. Which type of character was that? 
Actually, what you saw of the scene on-screen was only a fraction of how far we really went. And I kind of wish they'd let the scene play a little longer, because the other actress and I really went for it. We were like, 'Ok, if we're going to do this, let's do it right and make it look amazing.' I glanced up once and saw all the guys on the crew standing there with this look on their faces like, 'Yeeaaah!' 
 
Do you make out with Gwyneth Paltrow in Shallow Hal? 
No, I dump Jack Black, who plays my boyfriend, and then he falls for Gwyneth. The good thing is that my character isn't a psycho. She just doesn't really like the guy. 
 
Has something like this ever happened to you in real life? 
I've broken up with people once or twice, but I'm usually the one getting dumped. I've never been the girl that all the guys want to go out with. I've always been 'the friend.' And I don't know why that is. Maybe because I'm too nice or too honest, I don't know. 
 
What confuses you most about men? 
Probably their views on sex. Because when I get to that point with a man, like most women, I have to talk about it.  But men will just go hang out with the guys, have a beer-it's no big deal. I'm, like, Ahhhhhhh! I get really neurotic about it. So I'd love to know what goes through a man's head when he's thinking about sex. 
 
Well, we can tell you that's pretty much all the time. What would you do if you could be a guy for a day? 
First of all I'd be sure to go into the men's locker room at the gym to see what really goes on in there. Then I'd go to a strip club to see what the attraction is there. And, well, I'd have to have sex with a woman to see what that's like. 
 
Describe your ideal man. 
Someone who can make me laugh harder than I've ever laughed in my life. That is the biggest turn-on for me. And someone who will let me do my own thing. Not totally independent, but respectful of me as a person. Let me have my own opinion, but don't agree with everything I say. Challenge me, but make me laugh.

What's the craziest rumor you've ever heard about yourself? 
Some Internet thing said I gave Kid Rock a blow job at the Grammys. It said something like, 'Maxim model and cokehead Susan Ward gave Kid Rock a blow job at the after show.' And I'm, like, 'I didn't go to the Grammys, didn't even watch the Grammys, didn't go to any parties, and I don't do coke.' I mean, when do people come up with this stuff? It's so bizarre! I didn't realize I was such a fascinating person. I walk my dog every day, pick up the poop, watch TV at night, and play Trivial Pursuit. I'm not that interesting! 
 
It's all in how you pick up poop. Ever written a fan letter? 
No, but I have no qualms about walking up to somebody and talking to them, though it's usually because I've mistaken them for somebody else. One time I walked up to somebody from ER, and I was, like, 'Hey what's going on? How are you?' And as soon as I said that I realized, 'Oh my God, I only know this
person from TV.' So I quickly said, 'Good to see you, gotta go,' and walked off feeling like a complete idiot. I'm really good at making an ass of myself. Ask anyone. 
 
What's up with your being a NASCAR fan? 
Well, I'm from the South, and stock-car racing is big there. I've driven in several celebrity races in Las Vegas.

How fast have you ever driven?
I've gotten up to 155 miles-per-hour. That doesn't feel that fast, because the car is hugging the ground so closely. You feel like you are dong 50 on the freeway. I haven't driven in a while, so I'm itching to go again. I'm dreaming about it a couple of times a week. 

What are the dreams about?
Well, Dale Earnhardt Jr. is a friend of mine and I had a dream where something happened to his foot, so he asked me to drive in a big race for him. And there was something screwed up with the car, but I still won the race. I woke up thinking, I won a fucking NASCAR race!
 
So you're still a Southern girl in your dreams.  
Oh, yeah. I took voice lessons to lose the accent, but I still say 'y'all.' And, actually, the accent is still there, especially if you get me drunk or really mad.